Five Myths about Coaching DEBUNKED!

And why you absolutely SHOULD BE working with a Coach

I had an interesting conversation the other day while attending a networking event. While chatting with a gentleman, when he learned I was a coach, he chuckled, and in what I can only describe as condescending tone, proceeded to ask me to explain what sort of training I had to call myself a coach. Full disclosure, I consider this gentleman a friend and I learned his tone was more from seeing so many folks ‘say’ they are coaches and hanging a shingle without any sort of credentials or training.

I shared my background as a former business owner, executive leader and troubleshooter for angel investors followed by my huge 180 leap to change careers late-life to executive coaching (I actually take great joy in sharing my story with others and went the extra mile to make sure I was properly trained and certified before hanging my shingle).

He shared with me that he had assumed, that just like in sports or music, ‘those who can’t, teach’ and that as a business or executive coach, it must mean since we transitioned to coaching, we were probably really bad business owners and that is why we became coaches, I’ll debunk this in the bonus Myth #6 below.

Read on to debunk several misconceptions about coaching (and coaches!)

Myth #1: Coaching is all about that touchy-feely stuff and has no real substance or value

Coaching is not about rainbows, bunny rabbits and sunshine. In fact, coaching often requires the delivery of extremely difficult messages for the coachee to hear. With that, there is often much work for the coachee to do in order to actually change/grow/achieve. It is often how that message is packaged and delivered that allows the coachee to hear, accept and eventually adapt the message into their belief system that creates change. I call this speaking truth to power which takes a very edgy and experienced coach to pull it off without being insulting.

For instance, to tell a client ‘you are a horrible communicator with your staff, no wonder they never listen to you’ would land very differently than telling a client ‘with some adjustment to your communication style with your staff, you will find they are much more receptive to your messages’. The first is accusatory, while the later is supportive and gives both direction and desired outcome. It opens the door for the coachee to question their own style and explore alternatives. This is a great example of where a coachee is able to receive a difficult message about themselves, willingly make adjustments in their delivery, and actually grow.  That requires commitment and work and it is all on the client to make it happen.

Myth #2: Coaching is just another word for therapy and is only for damaged people

One of my first questions when I speak to anyone inquiring about coaching is if they understand the difference between therapy and coaching. Take a pause here and think about this. Do you know the difference?

While a few will offer up their idea of what they think each is, I would say 9 out of 10 people do not get it right.

Therapy is a doctor/patient relationship rooted in diagnosis, repair and recovery. It is always based in the past. It is a hierarchy relationship with the doctor diagnosing and prescribing to the patient, and the patient doing what they are told.

Coaching is a peer to peer relationship between two people. Coaching is based in the future (though on occasion past situations will be visited based on the nature of the coaching).

I often describe coaching this way: “Imagine we are driving in a car with you (the coachee) in the driver’s seat and me (the coach) in the passenger seat. I am holding a map and giving you verbal cues that I see on the map. You as the one in the driver’s seat has the final say as to which direction to follow (or not). It is your life and choice.”

Further to this, the coachee (not the coach!) has the power to change the direction and desired outcomes they want from coaching at any time. The coach is along for the ride with them as the co-pilot and advocate in getting the coachee to their final desired destination.

Myth #3 Coaching is for those who aren’t strong enough to do things on their own

What coaching does not do for an individual is the actual work so no, coaching is absolutely not for those who lack the strength and ambition to do things on their own.

A coaching client is a whole and complete human being. They are strong, competent, capable and often highly successful. A true high achiever knows that by engaging a coach it will get them to their goals faster and allow them to shoot for bigger goals. A coach will advocate for, raise awareness about, expand your thinking on, push your boundaries further and open you up to a myriad of possibilities you hadn’t considered without the support of a coach ….but they do not do the work for you. You as a client get all the kudos, recognition and success for achieving your goal or making change in your life because you will have done all the hard work. The coach is your witness. Pretty neat, huh?

Myth #4 Coaching is only for top executives and senior leadership

See Myth #3 above! This couldn’t be further from the truth. Athletes of all levels and business leaders around the world use coaching to push them forward. Coaches keep them focused on their goal and raise awareness of potential setbacks and alternatives. Corporations bring in coaches to work with their emerging leaders and future managers. Gyms bring in coaches to work with their clients on nutrition and fitness plan. Some universities even bring in coaches to work with their graduating MBA students. Coaches are available to anyone who is wanting to achieve a goal, follow a dream or tap into their fullest potential either personally or professionally. There are a myriad of coaching disciples from career, life, nutrition, religious, relationship, dating, business, executive, the list goes on. Anyone wanting to make a successful, impactful change in their lives is a candidate for coaching.

Myth #5: Coaching requires a huge time commitment

Do you have 30 or 60 minutes every week or every other week to work on yourself? If you are snickering and saying “NO” in your head to this, then YOU especially NEED a coach! Seriously, coaching is a 30 minute to 1-hour time commitment per week depending on your coach and agreement. Most coaching sessions are done over the phone or through a video conference call, so you are not taking additional time to drive to a scheduled meeting. Some of my best clients go for a walk at lunch time and call me for their coaching session. And back to that statement above about you needing a coach – if you are not making time for self-care in your life then for that reason alone you should work with a coach until you can learn to incorporate it into your life. Your future happiness depends on this!

Bonus Myth #6: “Those who can’t, coach”

I had to do a little research on where this statement originally came from as I was stunned when someone said it to me. It’s from George Bernard Shaw’s Maxims for Revolutionists. The quote is “He who can does; he who cannot, teaches.” It is also a line in his play Man and Superman: “Don’t listen to her Bob. Remember those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.”

There are absolutely all types of coaches with all sorts of experience out there. Some have retired from a successful career and want to continue in a different capacity in their same industry, so they coach & mentor. Others are following a lifelong calling to be of service to others.  And some may have reached a career crossroads and felt coaching was the perfect sideways new career for them, taking themselves out of the corporate rat-race, choosing instead to help support others in navigating it. Regardless, every coach has their background and offerings, it’s up to you to find the best match for what your coaching needs are.

Final Thoughts to consider

There really are a ton of options out there for coaching and it can be overwhelming. When considering working with a coach, ask questions before selecting. Some good questions to ask a potential coach: How long have you been coaching? What are your credentials? What is your specialty? Do you have a website with testimonials? Can you share some of your success stories? What do you consider to be your coaching niche?

Coaching is showing up everywhere these days. I volunteer coach MBA students every semester. I’ve also coached emerging leaders at an insurance company. It is becoming a standard part of leadership development training for new leaders, elite executives and growing small business owners. These companies are discretely giving their best prospects what star athletes have long had: A trusted advisor to help them reach their goals.

Now it’s time you treated yourself like the star athlete you know you are. Get yourself a coach and start moving quicker towards your goals and highest aspirations!

About Rachelle

Rachelle Stone is a 25+ year veteran of the Meeting & Convention Industry who, in 2014 left the industry to transition to full time Consulting & Executive Coaching after her own personal implosion. She now guides business owners and stressed out executives through the strategic steps needed to breakthrough plateaus and glass ceilings, accelerate their growth trajectory, increase profits, dominate in their market and reach their goals WITHOUT burning out.

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Are you a high performer that can’t say no and are fearing burnout? I love to coach high performers through the process of learning how to set boundaries and navigate the challenges of being a high achiever. Coaching provides you with an outside perspective, someone to hold you accountable to your goals & dreams, and gets you to the finish line quicker all while advocating for you to succeed. If you’re saying “YES! YES! YES!” to all of the above, then let’s take 30 minutes to speak ON MY DIME and see if I am the right match to support you in your current journey.

Did you find some useful gems in this blog? Let me know your thoughts by sending me a message at rachelle@rstoneconsulting.com

And if you are anything like I was and would rather be more like what I have become – someone who wants to do great things in your career while still loving life – I invite you to hop on over to my website and take a look around. There’s a really cool and quick assessment you can pick up for FREE which will help you determine your current state of capacity and balance right on the home page. Then let’s stay in touch!